


An Expansion of Horizons

by seki



Category: Kakumeiki Valvrave | Valvrave the Liberator
Genre: M/M, background A-drei/L-elf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:26:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seki/pseuds/seki
Summary: It's not that hard to make more of their friendship. It's just a matter of perspective.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For yukiscorpio, as usual.

Maybe it starts here: H-neun splays his fingers out across X-eins' cheekbone, just below the rim of his glasses, and lets out a chuckle.

"I can work with this," he says, before he kisses X-eins for a second time.

Or it starts here: he takes X-eins' hand, under the table in this not-busy-enough cafe. X-eins has barely touched what's on his plate; he's affecting calm but his stomach is knotted with tension.

"Relax," H-neun says, gently. "We don't have to do anything."

Or perhaps here: X-eins genuinely thinks he's misheard H-neun. And when X-eins presses H-neun to repeat himself, H-neun says it doesn't matter, it wasn't important. A few moments later, it sinks in and X-eins suddenly comprehends that H-neun just _asked him on a date_.

That's one place it might have started.

But no.

X-eins thinks perhaps it began just after the business with F-sechs. That unsettled them all; not just the _act_ \-- and what an act, what a monstrous secret to share -- but how steely and calm L-elf was about it. X-eins already had a reputation for being nearly as cold as L-elf, even then, for caring more about books than about people. A cold, cool-headed intellectual. X-eins was stoic; the first to agree with L-elf's assertions that it was kill or be killed, the one that argued down A-drei's emotion-based objections.

H-neun didn't bring those arguments up when X-eins sat down on H-neun's bunk that evening, nor when X-eins cried into his shoulder, nor when X-eins fell asleep there in H-neun's bunk. He just held X-eins as if he was delicate and breakable, stroked his back reassuringly, and in the morning he settled X-eins' glasses back on his face for him.

"There," H-neun said, gently. "Now you're X-eins again."

It helped. It snapped him back to reality, after a night of catharsis, grounded him, left him grateful for H-neun's friendship and aware that H-neun had earned both trust and admiration.

Maybe that's not the start. Maybe it's this: H-neun always had girls; often cajoled X-eins into double-dates. He even found X-eins girls he _liked_ ; smart ones, ones who could discuss books and theories, ones who were witty and quite beautiful. X-eins kissed a few of them, even _dated_ one of them for a few months. But being an elite made relationships hard, especially with civilian girls. X-eins found that he had to cancel a lot of dates at short notice, realised he was often distracted by things he couldn't discuss with her, and honestly sometimes he was just worn down to nothing and didn't have the energy to be a very engaging boyfriend. X-eins didn't think it was fair on the girl, really, and when the relationship ended he was almost relieved. 

Maybe H-neun was always aware of those problems. His girls almost never became _girlfriends_.

"I like flirting," he said, once, when X-eins asked him why he goes on all these dates. "Don't you?"

X-eins understood, really; flirting made people feel good about themselves. But it sometimes made X-eins a little anxious, too, especially after his break-up. He didn't want to hurt someone again, didn't want to promise them anything he couldn't offer. 

Maybe that's it, that's the start, when he swore off girls and _girlfriends_.

Or maybe not. X-eins comes to a conclusion, finally. This is when it starts:

H-neun is dating a girl, finally, actually in a relationship with a girl. Not a civilian; one of the other Carlstein elites. Like all the rest of the cadets, she's fit and whip-smart. Not quite smart enough to outdo A-drei or L-elf in grades, but _nearly,_ and that's impressive enough to make her notable in X-eins' view.

"M-zehn," H-neun says, one evening, in the common room. "Did you take down decent notes in our economics lecture today?"

"Of course."

"Bring them by my room later?"

H-neun's room is X-eins' room too -- they share a double -- so of course he walks in on them kissing. Just kissing, at that, but H-neun and M-zehn sprang apart so quickly and with such obvious embarrassment that it felt more intimate than it had looked.

"I like M-zehn," X-eins offers into the silent darkness, that night. "She's very clever."

"Yeah." H-neun makes a thoughtful noise. "Sorry about before."

"It's your room too."

"I know, but still, not cool," and then H-neun sighs. "I'm not sure how I feel about her yet."

She's not, X-eins thinks, H-neun's normal type. He usually likes pretty girls, ones that giggle and blush when he flirts with them. M-zehn is… plain, to be brutally honest, and doesn't seem the blushing type. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it means H-neun likes her for her brains instead of her face.

They're subtle, in public; no big displays of physical contact. Relationships within the academy aren't encouraged, because romance makes people make poor decisions. But they're tolerated, if you're discreet. After that first evening, X-eins never finds M-zehn in their room again; wherever the romance is being conducted, it's not in his space. But X-eins sees the glances, the smiles, the way they talk affectionately to each other. H-neun seems to really like M-zehn. 

X-eins is not really prepared for how much the relationship bothers him. He's used to being H-neun's favourite person, he supposes. They've been best friends for a long time, and it feels like M-zehn is moving into that position; H-neun consults _her_ , first, about what he'll be doing with his spare time, only includes X-eins as an afterthought or a second choice. H-neun takes her out on weekends, takes her to the cinema, spends time talking to her quietly in the common room. X-eins has a lot of extra reading time, suddenly.

X-eins tries, really hard, not to resent M-zehn. It's hardly her fault. It's how relationships work. If they weren't wanting to spend all their time together, it wouldn't bode well for their future.

The relationship goes on for eight weeks, and then suddenly it seems to be over all at once. M-zehn barely glances at H-neun in their lessons, absents herself from the common room in the evenings. H-neun, in return, seems prepared to ignore her existence.

"What happened?" X-eins asks, a few days later in their room. "I thought you two were--"

H-neun shrugs. "I was her rebound."

"Rebound?"

"She's gone back to her ex." H-neun pulls a sour face. "Ah. I don't even care, that's the stupid thing. I was getting tired of dating."

H-neun isn't a convincing actor, not when it comes to this. Still, if indifference is what H-neun wants to claim then X-eins won't contradict him.

"Wanna come out this weekend? I'll fix us up," H-neun says, crouching to tie his boot back up. "Dust off my old skills, get back into the swing of things."

"Let's not."

H-neun looks up at X-eins, his expression a bit hurt.

"You've just broken up. Don't go skirt-chasing straight away," X-eins says. "How about you come out with all us guys, instead? Forget girls for a weekend."

The five of them go out, that Saturday. It's unusual for _all_ of them to go out together; somehow A-drei has persuaded even L-elf to join them. They watch an explosion-laden movie imported from ARUS that only Q-vier loves unreservedly; the rest of them have varying objections based on tactics, strategy, plausibility and acting. The ensuing debate keeps their conversation going for hours in the diner afterwards.

X-eins finds himself watching A-drei, as he sometimes does. A-drei's manners always betray his upbringing, his unthinking kindness to others, his politeness and consideration. And it's very clear that A-drei cares more for L-elf than for the rest of them. X-eins doesn't think that's a problem, just thinks it's worth noting. A-drei likes talking to L-elf, gives his opinions extra weight and sometimes has this _look_ on his face like he's forgotten the rest of the world exists or simply doesn't care.

Seeing that expression makes X-eins wonders if there's anyone _he_ looks at like that.

"Cain," H-neun says, and that jerks X-eins back into paying attention, "this morning, he said that we're having too easy a time of it lately."

"Pfft," Q-vier says. "Exams are next week."

"Those won't be hard, not for us," L-elf says, in that way of his.

"It means we'll be sent on assignment."

They all look at A-drei, assessing whether that's a guess or a statement.

X-eins tips his head to one side after a moment, acknowledging it as a possibility. "Not until after examinations."

"In which case: hypothesis. Last examination ends at 13:45 on Friday." L-elf's voice is pitched in his low, eerie tone of rapid calculation. "Collection would be no later than 14:00. All essential items provided at destination. Most likely current placement: tropical Dorssia, contested zones on JIOR's border. Assignment lasts approximately one week. Heat. Humidity. Night work likely."

"Take bug spray to examination room with me, check," H-neun says, and yawns.

X-eins, reasoning independently while L-elf talks, reaches the same conclusion as L-elf, perhaps for the same reasons; the conflict there has flared up enough that it would not be surprising for elite troops to be dropped in to redirect the strategies. And they're trained in operating in all climates, but tropical damp heat is _hard_ on anyone and even Cain wouldn't expect them to work at peak efficiency for more than a week.

The thought of it is enough to make him feel a bit drained in advance. X-eins slumps back in his chair and then notices movement beneath the table: A-drei's hand on L-elf's knee, under L-elf's hand, swiftly withdrawn in case X-eins sees. Reflex, probably, and a stupid one; X-eins wouldn't have looked had the motion not pulled his attention.

When did that begin, he wonders, and what exactly does it signify?

The exams begin. Four and a half days of solid testing -- and L-elf is right, it's not hard, just a bit tedious -- and then they're shipped off to a swampy jungle where all the soldiers are near-mutinous and the locals are seditious and the mosquitoes are relentless.

X-eins borrows H-neun's bug spray, memorises the local maps and concentrates on their assignment.

He's happy for L-elf and A-drei, he thinks, spotting the couple kissing outside their camp one evening. He hopes it lasts, that it's more than simple comfort. They might even be a good match; what A-drei lacks in ruthlessness is amply abundant in L-elf, and perhaps all that inherent loyalty and kindness will do good things to L-elf's cynical soul.

The JIOR camp nearby isn't hard to infiltrate as soon as they work out the guard rotations, and once in it's easy to poison their water storage. It doesn't quite work as they expect; the officers are the first to die due to some local JIORian tradition of how their morning brew is distributed. A lot of the JIORan soldiers survive and surrender unconditionally to Dorssia. That keeps the elites there a little longer than they might otherwise be, processing the paperwork for dozens of prisoners of war and organising their transit to internment camps.

X-eins, that evening, watches from the camp edge as A-drei and L-elf have what looks like an argument in the distance. It culminates in L-elf kissing A-drei suddenly, as if to shut him up, and _that_ turns into A-drei dragging L-elf down into a nearby cluster of waist-height vegetation that screens them from view.

Well. X-eins sighs. It's admirable they both have the energy for that. Neither of them are dumb enough to roll around in something that will leave scars or burns, and presumably they're beyond caring about mosquitos after the last few days of being bitten, and maybe the pressure release will be good for them. And he knows what's bothering A-drei, too. X-eins has to admit _he_ doesn't feel good about their victory, either; it's war, and war makes atrocities into necessities, but poisoning is a _coward's_ way to win a war.

"Good for them," H-neun says, and he's right at X-eins' elbow. It makes X-eins start, surprised he's been snuck up on, and H-neun grins at him. "Sorry. But good for them, no?"

"Yes."

"Q-vier's still oblivious," H-neun says. "Long may that last."

X-eins considers that. Q-vier's still a child, in a lot of ways, and so he _might_ decide that it's gross that L-elf and A-drei are _doing things_ together. But he also deeply admires both of them. Who knows.

"I was thinking," H-neun says, his gaze dropping to X-ein's shoulder. "When we get back to Dorssia, would you like to go out on a date with me?"

The question is so unlikely that X-eins simply assumes he's misheard. 

"What did you just say?"

"Ah, nothing." H-neun shakes his head, firmly. "Never mind."

"No, tell me."

"It doesn't matter, it wasn't important." H-neun tucks his hands into his pockets, and smiles, and then turns and walks away.

X-eins's brain belatedly catches up with his ears. H-neun just _asked him on a date_.

But H-neun has retreated over to sit next to Q-vier. X-eins frowns; he can't talk to H-neun about this if H-neun is going to ensure they're not talking in private. L-elf and A-drei return from their tryst about half an hour later and clearly it was good for both of them; A-drei nearly glows with his happiness and even L-elf seems gentled and soothed by whatever they did. X-eins wonders what Q-vier thinks, because it must be blatantly obvious that _something_ has transpired. The five of them eat, pack up their things, and strike their camp down to the absolute basics ready to leave the next day. There's no chance to pull H-neun aside to talk about _dating_.

In the end, X-eins, realising H-neun is going to avoid him for some time, plants himself in the seat next to H-neun for their heli-lift out of this jungle. This displaces A-drei from their usual arrangement, but A-drei happily takes X-eins's seat next to L-elf and doesn't argue.

"Yes," X-eins says to H-neun, before H-neun can start talking and somehow retract his question. "Yes, let's go out, this weekend."

H-neun's eyes go a bit round in surprise, but he nods in response. "Alright."

The noise of the blades rips away the chance for any further discussion at that point; by the time they cross the runway to their waiting aircraft H-neun is smiling to himself.

"Dinner," he says quietly, from his seat behind X-eins on the plane. "Early dinner. A walk, first; the park by the river?"

"If you like," X-eins says, and it's a surprise to him that hearing H-neun make plans like this makes his pulse hasten, his heart flutter in his chest. "The botanical gardens would be nice."

"Perfect."

The brief exchange lights an ember of joy in X-eins' stomach, and that little glow stays with him all day. The debriefing takes two hours, and is so mentally exhausting that X-eins is glad to fall into his bunk afterwards. He can't really muster up the energy to think about the _date_ as more than an abstract appointment before sleep claims him.

The bell wakes them as it always does in the dorms. X-eins can't detect anything different in how H-neun behaves as they dress, but H-neun is definitely a little antsier than usual over breakfast, his gaze flittering to meet X-eins' before he yanks it away again, several times.

They've been given the day off to recuperate, after their assignment, L-elf informs them solemnly after he sits down. He touches the back of A-drei's wrist as he speaks, a brush of affectionate contact that makes X-eins smile and glance at H-neun to see the same smile of amusement there. Another spark of warmth ignites in his stomach.

"Today," he says to H-neun, prodding H-neun's shin with his toes. "Yes?"

"Sure, sure, it's all arranged," H-neun says, casually. "Meet you at the gates at 2."

Q-vier pouts. "You guys made plans without me?"

"Double date-o," H-neun says, and he reaches past Q-vier for the coffeepot. "But I'll go to the arcade with you this morning, if you want."

That's enough of a concession to make Q-vier light up with glee and start telling them all about how the arcade has this game that interfaces with his own portable console now. The explanation is long and not entirely coherent but even L-elf seems willing to sit and listen to it with A-drei's hand resting on his knee.

And then X-eins' nerves kick in; he's going on a date with H-neun. What if it goes wrong? What if they never have a quiet moment of happiness like this again, all of them together like a family?

X-eins spends that morning, in theory, reading a few papers on historical treaties in southern Dorssia. It's a topic he can get caught up in enough usually to keep his mind busy. It doesn't work today. 

Instead, he changes clothes a few times, stares at himself in the mirror, changes again. Is H-neun going to care what he wears? Will he care what H-neun's wearing? X-eins considers it, and decides it actually matters. He spends a while styling his hair and picks out something smart. Make an obvious effort, he thinks. It's a date, not just hanging out with his friend; make that awareness evident.

He's five minutes early to the botanical gardens. H-neun is there at the gates already, dressed up a little and with tickets already bought, and _that_ gives X-eins an odd jolt of delight. He's being _courted_ , he thinks to himself. He's never been the target of anyone's _courting_ before.

They enter, without really talking, the embarrassment of circumstance making words rather awkward. Thankfully, these gardens are one of X-eins' favourite places; he took his girlfriend here, back when he had one, and he admires the way it showcases different climates across several biodomes in a comparatively small area. Coming here means they don't really have to talk; they can just admire the plants and the views, and then they'll have something to talk about _afterwards_. 

The transitions are the real treat of the gardens, in X-ein's opinion; some genius designed it so each walkway passes through some sort of thematic transport unit between biodomes and they're all quite evocative and distinct. X-eins' favourite is the first one, and he rather hurries H-neun through the small European biodome, in his eagerness to reach it.

This transition is designed to resemble a pirate ship, a curved wide passage hung with rope hammocks and salt-addled woods. It smells just perfect to X-eins; like stormy air and cold winds. He stops to inhale, glances up at the panelling above and the way the light filters through it as if it were planking on a deck.

It's then that H-neun grabs at his wrist, pulls him over to one side. This porthole and the other two now face onto aquariums with beautiful underwater plants and corals. The scene stretches back seemingly forever. It's a very new addition and one that X-eins instantly finds intriguing, pressing his face up to the porthole in fascination.

H-neun leaves his side and returns a few minutes later with one of the staff.

"Would you like to look at the display properly?" she asks.

X-eins blinks at her, confused by the question.

It turns out there's a door, cleverly hidden in the ship wall. It's not really open to visitors; it's for maintenance staff to get atthe aquarium for tending and cleaning. H-neun's done some sweet-talking, X-eins realises, to have gained them access. From close up, the illusion of depth isn't so effective. It's clear that the tank is only perhaps ten feet wide; the outside wall of the 'ship' is pasted over with an underwater scene that reflects in the far wall of the tank to add metres to the view. X-eins likes that, though, and likes the artful planting that blends seamlessly with the picture in the reflection. He circles around to the other side of the tank, to admire the work properly.

From here he can see H-neun, a little distorted by the glass of the tank walls, talking to the woman. She is smiling at him like she's attracted, and he's… flirting with her very politely in return, X-eins realises with a jolt.

Oh.

He heads back around the tank, and when H-neun is within reach he reaches out and takes H-neun's hand very deliberately.

"Thank you so much," he says to the staff member, genuinely grateful to have been shown the trick to this illusion. "That was very kind of you."

"You're very welcome," she says, and she smiles as if she's neither surprised nor disappointed to find out they're a couple. She points out a few things X-eins might not have spotted -- the little shoal of fish that have mostly hidden themselves in the coral, the starfishes that have chosen to hide themselves in the least visible-to-the-inside spots, the way that the layers of sand become darker and murkier towards one end of the tank to allow for different plants. Eventually, she gestures back inside the ship section, and they re-enter and move on into the next biodome.

H-neun drops his hand, once or twice after that, to take photos of particularly pretty scenes with his phone. He always takes X-eins' hand again once he's done, though, and it starts feeling quite natural by the time they leave the botanical gardens. H-neun has nice hands to hold, with long elegant fingers; they don't feel sweaty or too bony, and he squeezes X-eins' hand in little quick bursts to emphasise things as he speaks.

They wind up at the little cafe at the far northern edge of the gardens. "I figured we'd eat here," H-neun says. "I thought it would be right, somehow?"

It's a sweet, chintzy little place. They place their orders at the counter and then retreat into an alcove table. The cafe is not quite busy enough for X-eins to feel comfortable, he realises quickly. In a busier cafe, the staff might be too busy to pay attention to a pair of men talking quietly. Here, there's a chance the staff will be curious, will watch them enough to spot anything unusual in their behaviour.

The alcove is at least private enough for eavesdropping to be unlikely. Even so, they talk about the gardens until their food arrives. It's a safe neutral topic.

The pasta is good, but X-eins has little appetite for it. He realises very quickly that H-neun isn't eating much, either.

H-neun pushes his plate away. "So. This is a date, right? I mean, you said yes."

"I did," X-eins admits. "But I thought you liked girls."

"I do. So do you."

"Yes." It's a fair point. "Still. Why did you ask?"

H-neun makes a vague gesture with his hand. "A-drei's fault. It was a joke, I think, but we were talking about him and L-elf and he said maybe I should try dating _my_ best friend too. I laughed. And then I thought about it."

Hmm. X-eins makes a mental note to pry more of that conversation out of H-neun later. "And your conclusion was to ask me out?"

"Yes." H-neun picks up his napkin, starts folding it. "I mean, why not, right? You're clever, and you're nice, and you already like me. If you weren't a guy, it might already have happened."

"But, not to labour the obvious--"

"I know." H-neun unfolds whatever he was making, starts over. "And I don't know if it will work."

X-eins nods.

"I think," H-neun says, still folding, "we will need to test it. Not just holding hands. Kissing. You know."

Chemistry, X-eins thinks. Sexual chemistry, in case it turns out they both really aren't into _guys_ at all. It's the opposite of how he'd have approached it, really; he would have assumed sexual chemistry would follow naturally given enough time and mutual romance. But H-neun's suggestion has merit. It would be _appalling_ to invest themselves in this emotionally and then find out they just couldn't overcome the physical aspects.

His hands have started to shake. He stares at them accusingly for a moment before taking them off the top of the table and gripping his knees instead in an attempt to still the tremors.

H-neun puts down the napkin and leans forward, a bit awkwardly. X-eins feels H-neun's hand land on his left one under the table. His fingers curl around X-eins'. "Relax," H-neun says, gently. "We don't _have_ to do anything."

"I think we need to. But--"

"You're a fatalist. Always looking for the problems." H-neun smiles. "Good for strategy. Less useful for this."

"Perhaps."

"If it goes wrong," H-neun says, squeezing X-eins' hand, "we can just be friends again. It might take us a while to get back to that. But I won't let us not be friends."

X-eins studies H-neun's face for a moment; his high cheekbones, his hooded eyes, the wry twist to his mouth that hints at where he'll one day age into laughter lines. H-neun is handsome, in a way that X-eins can appreciate, but X-eins is not sure whether that appreciation extends to attraction. H-neun is the closest friend he has, he knows that. H-neun is loyal and witty and wants to make him happy. Does X-eins _want_ to kiss H-neun?

H-neun squeezes his hand again, and then lets go, and that's when X-eins thinks: yes. He wants to kiss H-neun. It might be awful. But he'll never know, if they don't try.

"Not here in the gardens," he says, waving a hand to signal for the bill. "In our room."

It's odd, seeing H-neun look startled about something he suggested himself. "You're sure?"

"I am." 

They settle up and walk back to their dorm, not touching -- it feels odd to hold hands outside the gardens, like it's a degree more public -- but X-eins feels like there's a _connection_ fizzing between them. It's so visceral he's surprised it's not visible. That glow is back in the pit of his stomach; anticipation, he thinks, and nervous energy.

In their room, they wait for the lock to click closed before taking that last hesitant half-step towards each other. H-neun is pleasingly tall; it takes the barest dip of X-eins' head to meet his lips. And H-neun is enthusiastic, too; his mouth opens easily into the kiss, his hands splaying out across X-eins' chest. That ember in X-eins' stomach ignites, sending a flush of heat through X-eins' body and a ripple of arousal up his spine. Oh. Oh, this test is d _efinitely_ a success.

H-neun pulls back, eventually, and lifts one hand to spread his fingertips out across X-eins' cheekbone, just below the rim of his glasses. He chuckles, and there's a shakiness behind it that makes X-eins's stomach twist.

"I can work with this," he says, and then kisses X-eins again.

Somehow this kiss ends with H-neun pulling back slowly, though he's still close enough for X-eins to keep his hands on H-neun's sides. H-neun keeps drawing his hands down X-eins' chest as if marvelling at the shape of it. X-eins listens to his own heartbeat thud in his ears as he stares at H-neun's face, trying to see if it looks different now they've kissed. H-neun has tiny brown freckles across the bridge of his nose, probably a direct result of their recent trip. H-neun has thick, short eyelashes, even darker than his eyebrows. H-neun has a wide mouth with thinnish lips, and looking at his mouth makes X-eins want to kiss him again.

He does; H-neun makes a pleased noise and presses himself forward so their bodies are flush against one another. That contact is _good_ , too, X-eins realises, every movement of their mouths inciting movement in their bodies. He breaks the kiss, shifts his mouth to mouth at H-neun's earlobe instead, then tugs at one of H-neun's earrings with his teeth. That earns him a gasp and H-neun's groin being pushed hard against his hip.

Very hard. Oh. That's _exciting_.

"Come to bed," X-eins murmurs, since H-neun's ear is right there.

He feels H-neun's whole body shiver in response, before H-neun yanks his head back. H-neun stares at him for a moment, and then narrows his eyes and says with laughter in his tone, "it's our first date, X. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't put out yet."

"Mm." X-eins supposes that's a point. "What if I'm the one putting out?"

"...better."

"Come to bed with me, then." 

"Fuck. Do you _know_ how you sound right now?" But H-neun's fingers are working at X-eins' top shirt button, and X-eins is two buttons down before it occurs to him to start pulling H-neun's jacket down his shoulders.

Toplessness is easy, once achieved; the press of chest to chest a tactile novelty but not _distracting_ from the constant exchange of kisses, even the clink as their ID tags brush against each other more amusing than anything else. And then H-neun's hands go to X-eins' belt and stop.

X-eins doesn't wait for H-neun to ask. He's certain. He places his own hands over H-neun's, urges him to continue, and kisses H-neun pleadingly when H-neun gets X-eins' fly button open.

"We don't have to do anything," he says, softly, when H-neun's hands fumble a little on the zip.

"Shh," H-neun says, and they kiss again, hands drifting back upwards in a caress that X-eins thinks promises a slow, teasing evening ahead of them.

A series of loud, irregular knocks on the door makes them spring apart.

X-eins stares at the door, then forces his voice into flat nonchalance. "What?"

"Guys," Q-vier says loudly, from the other side of the door, " _guys_ , is my game in there?"

H-neun makes a loud snorting noise. "You had it at the arcade earlier. Did you sneak in here since then?"

"...no. Ah, crap, did I leave it there?"

They hear Q-vier move away, fast. H-neun makes a fainter version of that same snorting noise. "Shit. Way to ruin the moment."

"Not necessarily."

H-neun narrows his eyes, as if thinking, and then he takes hold of X-eins' hand and pulls him down so they're both sitting on the edge of X-eins' bunk. He leans in; they kiss again, though it definitely feels different and less spontaneous than before. The awareness of possibly being interrupted again is there now, pressing down on everything.

It's probably what makes H-neun pull back and look frustrated, but X-eins concludes that the best way to keep moving forward is just to, well, keep moving forward. 

He starts pulling at H-neun's belt. "Bed," he says, firmly. "Come on. Fewer clothes."

"--good idea," H-neun says. They both wriggle out of their pants, leaving them both in just their standard-issue military underwear, grey briefs and white socks that are not exactly _sexy_. After one amusement-laden exchanged glance, they skin out of _those_ too.

H-neun tugs his ID tags over his head and tosses them to one side. It's a tiny gesture, but one that makes H-neun's nudity seem intensified. Even in the showers, they all keep their tags on. Even _undercover_ they keep them on. Having them be discarded is _different_. X-eins takes his own set off. It even _feels_ like an intimate act to remove them, no matter how casually he drops them to the floor. 

After another kiss, X-eins lets himself look down; H-neun's cock is right there, semi-erect and obvious. The sight sends a definite thrill of interest through him. X-eins looks up to H-neun's face. Oh. H-neun is staring at X-eins' lap in return, his uncertainly obvious.

"Ever done this before?" H-neun asks, a nervous giggle threading into it.

Ha. There are rumours, always, about the male dorms and about circle-jerks and 'favours'. X-eins suspects there's never been much truth in them, but, well. "Never. You?"

"No."

There's a pause, and X-eins thinks: no more hesitating.

X-eins reaches out with his right hand; he's on the wrong side for this, he thinks, immediately, has to reach across his own body to get at H-neun. He changes his mind and turns the movement into a full-body one, rolling himself off the bunk and onto his knees in front of H-neun, allowing him to place one hand on H-neun's knee and grasp H-neun's cock easily with his other hand.

"Shit," H-neun says, and he plants his own hands just behind himself, leaning back. "Oh, yes, please, please--"

Feeling H-neun swell suddenly in his grasp is astonishing and _empowering_. X-eins stares up at H-neun's face and watches as he makes a few tentative strokes with his hand; H-neun's eyes slam shut, and he tips his head back and bites at his own lower lip. X-eins wonders if H-neun is putting it on a bit, because surely he can't be getting _that_ much out of X-eins' touch.

"Don't stop--" H-neun almost whispers, and X-eins realises he has, almost. He tightens his grasp and picks up the pace a little, and is rewarded by both a moan and the un-feignable sight of the pink blush on H-neun's collarbones deepening in hue. Oh. Oh, this is good. Wonderful, even.

Jerking someone else off is awkward. The angle of his hand is wrong; the floor is cold and hard against X-ein's knees; he's not entirely sure what to do with his other hand. It doesn't seem to matter, though, because H-neun is making incredible little gasping and pleading noises and keeps glancing down and then letting his head loll backwards as if he can't keep the weight of it from falling--and oh, finally shifting to lift a hand to his own mouth, as if trying to stifle those noises. X-eins pulls that hand down, firmly, speeding up the pace a little, and H-neun makes this _glorious_ moaning noise of assent before planting his hand behind himself again.

"Fuck," he says, in a half-whimper, very soon after that, "fuck, that's it, I'm going to--shit, X, I'm going to--"

And then he does. It's not _beautiful_ , X-eins thinks, but it's deeply erotic to watch what he's wrought; the muscles in H-neun's torso ripple in time with the spasms, and he keeps letting out these shaky exhalations as he spills out over X-eins' hand.

Once spent, H-neun lets out a grateful noise and flops backwards onto the bed. X-eins gets up and makes an immediate bee-line for the tiny sink in the corner of their room. He washes his hands, swiftly. Dried come is _not_ his favourite thing, even if it's not his own.

H-neun is right there when X-eins turns around, and presses a deep, languid kiss upon him, H-neun's hands skating down X-eins' side and then backwards, and then _squeezing_. X-eins lets out a tiny yelp of surprise, and H-neun grins at him slyly.

"Go back to bed," he says, gesturing behind him. "I just need to--uh--"

X-eins nods, and sits on the edge of the bunk the way H-neun did. He feels a bit self-conscious, naked like this, but what's upmost in his head is the thought: why was I so worried before?

"Was it okay?" H-neun asks, splashing water on himself. "I mean, was it--"

"I liked doing it," X-eins says, truthfully. "You were wonderful."

H-neun glances over his shoulder, his expression dubious as he reaches for his towel.

"I mean it." X-eins looks down, pointedly, at his own very prominent erection. "Trust me. I had a great time."

"Mm."

H-neun kisses him, hard, when he sits down, and then to X-eins' confusion he swings his legs up onto the bunk and crawls _behind_ X-eins.

"Let me try this way," H-neun says, and he sits behind X-eins, so X-eins is in the fork of his legs. H-neun is mostly torso, where X-eins is mostly leg, and so he's taller this way, his chin hooking over X-eins' shoulder easily. He slides both hands around X-ein's waist, pulling so that X-eins rests his weight backwards against him, and then palms X-ein's erection.

X-eins hears himself moan in a sultry way he's never moaned before; it's entirely involuntary, and all in response for how electric it feels to have someone else's hand on him.

"Mm," H-neun says, and his other hand slides down, cupping X-eins' balls as he strokes at X-eins' cock. "You're _sexy_ , you know that?"

H-neun's breath is hot and damp against his neck, and H-neun is calling him sexy, and X-eins can't kiss him from this angle. He tries to force out some sort of words, but all that comes out is another moan.

"Shit," H-neun says, and his lower hand tightens on X-eins' balls for a moment. X-eins puts his own hands over both of H-neun's; he doesn't touch his own balls, when he touches himself, but it's good feeling that there now. "Yeah," H-neun says, breathily, "show me how you want it."

Faster, that's how X-eins wants it; he guides H-neun into speeding up, and twists his torso just enough to be able to press his mouth into H-neun's. H-neun kisses him, one deep slide of tongues, and then pulls his head back, nearly knocking X-eins' glasses off as he does so.

"That good?"

X-eins can't make words cohere in this state; he just tightens his hands over H-neun's and lets the movement of H-neun's hands carry him in an upwards spiral of urgency until his orgasm hits, hard, and turns all his bones to jelly in its wake.

H-neun kisses the back of his neck, wetly, as the aftershocks make X-eins shudder, and holds his hands steady until it's all over, and then laughs into X-eins neck when X-eins struggles to get up. This time they clean up at the sink together, once X-eins' knees feel like they'll work again, and H-neun keeps leaning in and pressing kisses against X-eins shoulder and every time it makes X-eins feel _soft_ inside. Affection. It's just as wonderful as the sex was.

He tows H-neun back into the bunk afterwards, and they pull up the blankets over them and lie facing each other, their hands tangled.

"Was it okay?" X-eins asks, mostly as a joke.

H-neun pokes him in the chest in response.

"Ow. They won't grow, you know," X-eins says.

"You know, I don't care." H-neun turns onto his back. "I didn't expect -- I didn't think you would be _sexy_ , but, fuck, your voice, watching you get off… how did I not realise before that you're hot?"

"Perspective." X-eins puts his hand flat on H-neun's stomach, enjoying that he _can_ touch H-neun like this.

"I like this perspective. And I think this was a success." H-neun puts both his hands over X-eins'. "It better be successful for you, too. I think I'm at least bisexual now."

That's quite the statement, and X-eins thinks about it for a moment. "You like other guys now?"

H-neun turns his head to inspect him for a moment, then shakes his head. "I'm not sure, honestly. But if you said 'come to bed' again, I'd be ready again in an instant."

Tempting. X-eins lifts one of H-neun's hands to his mouth, and kisses it, right at the base of the palm.

"A-drei's going to be so smugabout this," H-neun says, with a sigh.

Which means H-neun wants to tell their friends, or at least, wants not to hide it. X-eins can't decide how he feels about that; a little pleased, a little terrified.

H-neun is clearly reading some of that thought process in X-eins' face, because he snorts. "Oh, please, you think we can hide this? Really? Have you met L-elf? He probably predicted which hand you'd use to jerk me off six months ago."

L-elf hopefully wouldn't care enough to speculate that far, but overall; yes, it's true. The inevitability that their friends will know about this is a good feeling, however, satisfying that possessive tendency he's had for a long time over H-neun. He kisses the inside of H-neun's wrist, this time.

H-neun pulls his hand back, and narrows his eyes accusingly at X-eins.

"What?"

"You're taking this all far too well," H-neun says. "Is it that easy for you?"

"I like you." X-eins says, because it's true, and because it provokes the expected response; a softening of H-neun's expression. "I already liked you, this is just… an expansion of that."

H-neun makes a thoughtful noise, and then rolls to face X-eins again. "But you didn't think of me _this_ way, did you?"

"No."

"Perspective, huh." H-neun shifts forward, a little. "I don't think I can go back to the one I had before."

"Good."

H-neun's mouth curls up at one side, as if he's trying to suppress a smile. "Yes."

X-eins looks down at the hand H-neun's just withdrawn. Outside this room, they will have to be discreet, even if their friends know. X-eins doesn't even know if homosexual relationships are tolerated the way heterosexual ones are. The only one he's known of in the academy is the one between L-elf and A-drei. And of course, they _could_ behave like L-elf and A-drei. Not _flaunting_ the relationship, precisely, but not avoiding occasional touches of reassurance or affection in public, touching under tables, kissing when there aren't cameras to see. The problem is that L-elf is an extraordinary case. The rules will be bent for him, because he's been picked out and trained as an elite even amongst the elites.

He and H-neun are valuable elites, but they're not L-elf. They can't risk it.

X-eins reaches out and puts his hand over H-neun's heart. "Are we still dating girls?"

The question is an extension of his thought process, no more, but H-neun jerks backwards as if scorched. "What?"

"To pretend..." and X-eins stops, because H-neun looks quite angry.

"To pretend we're not together?"

X-eins nods, slowly. "Unless you think the academy would approve."

"Shit." H-neun shuts his eyes, tightly.

"We don't have to--"

"Shut _up_ ," H-neun says, through gritted teeth. "Fuck, X. Do you have to be so--so _you_ about this?"

X-eins reaches out his hand, and strokes H-neun's cheek; it's meant to be an apology, and it does make the tenseness in H-neun's jaw slacken a little. "I don't want them to stop us."

"We can't stop them finding out," H-neun says, with some justification. He's right. It's unlikely that the academy won't pick up on it sooner or later.

"But if they think it's purely physical," X-eins says, "or mostly--"

"--yes, I know." H-neun opens his eyes again. "Not interfering with our judgement. Fine. Then we date girls. This is just two guys blowing off steam, right?"

There's enough irritation threaded through H-neun's voice and in his eyes to make X-eins repeat his caress. "I don't _want_ to," X-eins says, because it occurs to him that he needs to. "And I don't want this to be just that. I _like_ you. So if that's what it takes to protect us, yes, I will lie and lie and _date women_. I think it'll be worth it."

His words have the effect he wants; H-neun's eyes widen fractionally in surprise, and then H-neun is suddenly kissing him again, this time with a fierceness that knocks all the breath from X-eins' lungs.

"If you kiss any girl," H-neun says, pulling back, "we're over."

"Shh."

"I mean it."

X-eins pushes H-neun onto his back, and rolls on top of him to kiss him. "I know. Shh."

The kiss really is more placation than desire, to start, but that shifts soon enough. H-neun's legs wrap around X-eins, and their bodies begin to rock together in time with their kisses. The kisses get hungrier, the movements more urgent until H-neun makes a soft gasping noise and pulls his mouth away. "X," he whispers, and his hands are plastered across X-eins' lower back, urging X-eins to keep moving, "oh, X--"

X-eins gets his hand between their bodies, squeezes their erections together, seeks out H-neun's mouth again for another brief kiss. He can't sustain the kiss; it's too much, too intimate, and robs him of too much breath. With H-neun gasping in his ear, it's a struggle to hold on against the friction and the pleasure, but X-eins fights off his own orgasm until he feels H-neun's come slick his hands, and then lets himself go.

 

They lie there for a while, X-eins letting all his weight rest on H-neun for a moment, before H-neun pushes him off.

"If you're going to argue like that," H-neun says, reproachfully, "then I'm never going to win."

"I'll bear that in mind."

H-neun pokes him in the ribs. "Asshole. At least I won't mind losing this way."

Cleanup feels like more of a chore this time -- they're both tired -- and when they get back into bed H-neun has given up on stifling his yawns. X-eins cautiously extends his arm out along the pillow, and H-neun doesn't hesitate in snuggling up close.

X-eins pulls off his glasses; he can't reach the shelf on the other side of H-neun, so he just tucks them down the side of the bunk's mattress for now, behind him. It's the last thing he does before he uses the light switch built in above his bunk, and he's asleep in seconds.

When he wakes up to the familiar sound of the morning bell, it doesn't take him long to orient himself. He hasn't moved all night; H-neun is still in the circle of his arm, fuzzy but recognisable, and H-neun is much more awake than X-eins is.

"It's strange seeing you like this," H-neun says, his hand reaching out and then touching X-eins' face just beside his right eye. "You look younger without your glasses. How blind are you right now?"

"Significantly," X-eins admits.

H-neun kisses him, a chaste brush of lips to lips, and then pulls back suddenly. "Sorry. Are we still… um."

"We're still," X-eins says, firmly, and pulls H-neun in for another light kiss, mindful that they both probably have foul breath. A note, he thinks, for the future: find time to brush his teeth even if he's tired from sex. "Very much still."

"Inspection'll be here soon," H-neun says, his fingers trailing down to X-eins' jaw. "We should--"

"Yes."

They get out of bed and start sorting out their clothes, and X-eins can't help but notice H-neun's body now, the lean lines of muscle and sinew. He wonders if he'll ever be oblivious to it again. Right now, if there wasn't a certainty of being caught, he'd push H-neun back down onto the bed and explore this new awareness further. The temptation to kneel and press kisses onto H-neun's stomach and thighs is very strong. What does H-neun's skin taste like, right now?

It's a thought that persists even once H-neun is clothed, all through their cell inspection and in the queue for food. They take their usual seats at breakfast. A-drei's hands are both demurely on the table, this time, as are L-elf's, and Q-vier is holding forth about the _bastard_ at the arcade who'd put his handheld console up on the very top of the machines and how it meant that Q-vier had had to get someone to fetch it for him. Q-vier is planning to track the offending bastard down to teach him a lesson, he says.

H-neun laughs, and asks if the 'bastard' hadn't just been putting it somewhere safe so it could be found again. A-drei agrees, saying it's what he'd have done, and the three of them fall into an animated discussion over how much thought one should give to unusually short people when trying to do a nice thing.

L-elf raises an eyebrow at X-eins. "And your day off was productive?"

"Yes, I think so."

L-elf raises his coffee cup and tilts it towards X-eins, as if in a mock-toast.

"I read through several old treaties," X-eins adds. "It was illuminating."

Provoking a smirk of amusement from L-elf is always rewarding.

"--this weekend," H-neun is saying to Q-vier, and he elbows X-eins. "Shall I set us up some dates, by the way?"

X-eins sets down his own cup. "Only if you choose better girls this time."

"Oh, definitely. How about Marissa? She always asks after you, according to Lianne."

"Does she?" X-eins adjusts his glasses. "She's the one with the highlights, isn't she?"

A sharp pain in his shins makes him glance back at L-elf, who is frowning at him as if--ah. Have they confounded their prophet? X-eins wonders how to pacify L-elf, before he says something blunt and obvious in front of Q-vier.

"She's the one with the highlights, yes," H-neun says, and then shrugs "I'll ask her."

"Do that." X-eins turns his attention back to L-elf. "I was surprised at how inaccurate the information from my readings was. Layers to conceal true motives, perhaps."

L-elf's eyebrows lift up in comprehension, and then he scowls again. "Unnecessary, one would think."

"It depends on the audience," X-eins says, pointedly tilting his head towards Q-vier.

L-elf scowls again, and then A-drei shifts his weight towards L-elf. A-drei leans forward -- and X-eins notes that one of A-drei's hands is below the table, probably on L-elf's knee -- and says, "Perhaps it's up to X-eins to judge, since you haven't read the texts he's referring to."

L-elf's posture softens, subtly. "Perhaps," L-elf admits.

Gosh. It's like A-drei has L-elf _tamed_. X-eins has never admired him more.

The rest of the breakfast is eaten in relative peace and contentment, though L-elf keeps looking thoughtfully at both X-eins and H-neun. It's a scrutiny X-eins could do without. His mind keeps drifting back to H-neun in bed, to their mutual pleasure in one another. It's intoxicating, he thinks to himself. And addictive. He's counting the hours until he can shut the world out of their room. Three hours of lecture-type lessons. An hour of intensive, seminar-style discussions. Lunch, and then weapons training for two hours in zero-gravity, and then another seminar, and then piloting drills for an hour before self-study time for two hours in the library.

The day stretches out ahead of him. Ordinarily X-eins relishes this particular timetable: passive, rote learning in the morning while he's receptive to that, then a more challenging, confrontational style, then exercise, then more arguments once he's all warmed up physically, and then a finicky skill-training exercise to warm down from the day before he goes and follows the thread of whatever information has piqued his curiosity. Today, however, he thinks: too many words, too much thinking, too much movement, too much distraction from what he _wants_ to concentrate on. And far too long until the day is over.

He sighs, a little, but resigns himself to it.

By the time he slots himself into the queue for dinner, he's gotten his brain firmly into _Academy_ mode. Organic chemistry, complex chains of molecules. He finds it a joy to hold the structures in his head, rotate them, see how the patterns overlap with others. He can do that faster than any of the other cadets, including L-elf, even when the structures and patterns are 3D tactical maps of battles.

H-neun taps on his shoulder, and then grins widely. "Miss me?"

"Like a rash," X-eins replies, the insult automatic, thankfully for any passing listeners. "You skipped library."

H-neun just wrinkles his nose. "I was pulled aside. Didn't hit enough targets, had to run the drill courses over."

Ah. X-eins hasn't failed a drill course in more than a year, but H-neun flakes out once or twice every few months. It's clearly not enough of a concern to anyone for him to get any privileges revoked, but it always worries X-eins.

"Gonna have to catch up with study in our room," H-neun continues, and lets out a big sigh. "No common room tonight."

X-eins feels a little fizz of anticipation. "I'll join you. Molecular profiling was in the--"

"Ah, ah, no _school_ during dinner, you know the rules, sheesh."

H-neun sits next to him, one leg crossed over the other at the knee, his foot constantly bumping into X-eins' shin as they sit at a table full of other cadets. X-eins' anticipation ramps up, through dinner, and polite chatter, and then through their slow stroll to the library to collect two books for H-neun to study from, and then their amble through the unfairly long corridors of their dorms.

Once inside their room, H-neun tosses the books onto the upper bunk, and then X-eins' patience is rewarded by H-neun turning and pulling him down eagerly onto the lower bunk.

H-neun's skin doesn't taste of anything, particularly; salt and musk, perhaps, stronger in the places where sweat naturally collects, but the exploration is wonderful, H-neun stretching out shamelessly and allowing X-eins to kiss and mouth wherever he wishes, only objecting when X-eins hits spots that are ticklish.

"Fuck," H-neun says, in a gasp, when X-eins's mouth takes him to H-neun's cock, and that's enough to make X-eins take off his glasses and then keep going, through more gasps and swearwords and an aching jaw and H-neun's hand grabbing at his hair in a painful grip, until he finds out what _that_ tastes like too.

He rinses his mouth out afterwards, as H-neun makes unconvincing apologetic noises from his lazy sprawl on the bed. Perhaps some experiments don't need repeating, no matter how good a time it sounds like H-neun was having.

H-neun kisses him with a rewarding languidity when he returns to the bed, and then glances down between them.

"You don't have to do it back," X-eins says, retrieving his glasses so he can see H-neun properly.

"I… okay." H-neun runs a hand down the centre of X-eins' chest. "I'll work my way up to it one day, but, uh, you seemed so grossed-out that--"

"You _don't_ have to do it at all," X-eins says, chuckling. He means it. He's sure it would feel great, if H-neun did it, but he'd really rather not have H-neun do something he's not into.

H-neun kisses him again, and then pushes X-eins backwards firmly, and sits up. "My turn, though."

It takes about five seconds before X-eins realises he's _far_ more ticklish than H-neun seemed to be; he keeps having to squirm away, and then H-neun makes a thoughtful noise, and suddenly his caresses are firmer, palms instead of fingertips, and they don't prickle on X-eins' nerves anymore, and he relaxes into being the target of H-neun's explorations, lifting his hands above his head in willing invitation. It's quite a long time before H-neun makes another thoughtful sound, and then he swings a leg over X-eins' and sits straddling both of X-eins' thighs.

X-eins looks up at him. H-neun has to hunch, so his head doesn't hit the bunk above, but he's smiling smugly and it makes X-eins itch to kiss him again. He begins to struggle up onto his elbows, to do so, but H-neun shakes his head, and wraps a hand around X-eins's cock, and all the steel goes of out X-eins spine suddenly as H-neun caresses _that_ , as slowly as he had everything before. His thumb rubs over the top, into the wetness there, and then H-neun takes his hand away and lifts it to his mouth.

Oh. That's… well, X-eins didn't think he could get harder, but it certainly feels like his cock is making an attempt at it. H-neun looks contemplative as he tastes X-eins, and then he shrugs as if he's not sure how he feels about it, and then licks his own palm before returning his hand to grip X-eins.

H-neun pumps at him slowly, slowly enough that X-eins is soon aware that H-neun is hard again himself, and when X-eins stretches out a hand towards that -- he's quite happy to make this mutual -- H-neun pushes it away, then licks his free hand and wraps it around himself. X-eins blinks, and then stares at that, H-neun with a hand on himself and one on X-eins, moving both at the same speed. He's not sure there's a more arousing sight in the world.

When he comes, he hears his groan of completion echoed quickly by H-neun, and for a moment he's actually grumpy. Dammit. He'll have to wait even longer to get H-neun off again now.

It's such a silly thing to think that he starts laughing, which makes H-neun give him a very weird look.

"Sorry," X-eins says, and then prods at H-neun's knee. "Come on, get off, then you can wash… everything," he decides, looking at the way H-neun's come has splattered up onto his own stomach.

He lets H-neun wash up first, and then H-neun steps aside so X-eins can wash, and then he hears H-neun make another of those thoughtful noises from behind him.

"What?"

"Mm," and H-neun's hand lands on his waist, and then his other hand slides down and pinches X-eins on the ass, prompting X-eins to emit an indelicate yelp. "Sorry. But next time I'm gonna wanna roll you on your front, you know. I've only done half of you."

X-eins considers that, and then turns. "Done?"

"I mean, touched." H-neun takes a step back, and then frowns. "Geez, X, did you think I meant--"

X-eins reaches to the side, and snags H-neun's towel to dry himself with. "Perhaps one day. We can work our way up to it."

That makes H-neun's face go very still for a moment, and then he grins, and takes his towel out of X-ein's hand. "You're _incredible_ , you know that?"

"Yes, that's what you said when you were in my mouth, too."

H-neun doesn't quite blush, but he does roll his eyes and fling his towel at X-eins in protest.

They wind up back in the lower bunk, H-neun curled into the crook of X-ein's arm.

"Do you think," H-neun says, after more kissing, "that A-drei and L-elf do that?"

"Masturbate each other? Fellate each other? Penetration?"

"Sure, mister clinical."

X-eins considers it. "At least the first of those, I'd think? Does it matter?"

H-neun snorts. "Maybe not. I don't think I even want to know, really. I just -- ok, it's this, I can't imagine L-elf joking around, or cuddling, or being sweet to A-drei."

Except, thinks X-eins, that A-drei seems happy, and there's all the little touches. "I bet they can't imagine us either," he points out. "And if there was no affection, do you think A-drei would enter into it?"

H-neun lifts a hand, makes a rocking gesture. "Maybe? He's always been hot for L-elf, come on."

"He's too romantic for that."

"True." H-neun drops his hand, and then squirms closer and presses a kiss to X-eins' collarbone. "And you?"

"I'm a romantic too." X-eins says it lightly, but he means it.

"Then you're lucky I'm a gentleman," H-neun says, grinning. "If it was up to me, I'd romance the hell out of you. Tell everyone. I'd even tell Q-vier to shove it, if he tried to pick a fight over it. I hate that we're hiding it."

"Necessity, not--"

"I know." H-neun dips his head again, and kisses the same spot. "I wish we could just brazen it out."

X-eins sighs. "Even A-drei and L-elf don't _flaunt_ it," he points out.

"And we're not them." H-neun grins again. "It's fine, X. You convinced me. This, you? It's more than I ever hoped to have, and I'll protect it too."

This time H-neun kisses X-eins' mouth, and the kiss is so _gentle_ that it makes X-eins ache.

"Seriously, though," H-neun says, pulling back. "I'm gonna be _shitty_ on the next few dates, resenting the hell out of it. You'd better come up with some lies to tell the girls to excuse me, okay?"

X-eins ignores him, and kisses him until H-neun shivers and slides his hands downwards, and then they don't talk in words again until he reminds H-neun to brush his teeth when they're cleaning up afterwards.

H-neun falls asleep before he does, which means X-eins gets to lie there with the smell of H-neun's hairgel in his nose, his hand clasping H-neun's sleeping one.

They'll manage. H-neun will have to up his acting game, but they'll do it. And X-eins doesn't care, really, what it takes to make it look convincing. If H-neun dates every girl in Dorssiana, kisses them, calls them his girlfriends and takes them out every weekend, X-eins will smile and be kind to them, will ask them polite questions and date their friends, as long as all of that ends at their door and this, the two of them, is what's behind it.

Protect what's important. That's what they've always been taught, after all.


End file.
